The Last Furlong

Comments on the race of life.


The convergence of laziness

Yes, I am physically lazy.

Always have been.

I hate excercise.

My main focus at school was to avoid sport. It was fortunate that during my very first tennis lesson, the server slammed the ball into my eye so I could feign terror of tennis to the gym teacher, so she let me off tennis. Someone bombed me in a swimming lesson and the teacher rescued me from the bottom of the pool. I feigned pool terror. The teacher let me off swimming.

My motto has been – never run if you can walk, never walk if you can sit, and never sit if you can lie down. It has worked all my life so far.

But now there is a convergence occurring that needs attention.

The neighbour walks the dog, so I don’t anymore. He gets much better walks from her – goes miles, in fact.

The weather is crummy, rain, ice, snow – always something to do with water. They don’t have lakes all over the place here for nothing. So I’m not walking to see my sister twice a week. I drive.

I never go out otherwise.

Gardening is out. Everything is dead. The ground is iced solid.

Swimming on Thursdays has been cancelled because of Covid-19.

And the final situation is that we now have a robot vacumn cleaner. He’s wonderful! I never have to do a thing except empty his tummy when he has finished his duties. If I change his tummy for a water tank, he even mops the kitchen and bathroom floors.

Whats there to do?

I know!


Mr Furlong is a kitchen creature. He produces great food.

Food plus laziness equals fat.

It’s simple Math.


My new bathing costume

My new bathing costume is dreadful!

I tried it out today at the pool.

It has a skirt over short shorts.

The short shorts sort of dangle between my legs uncomfortably.

The skirt floats up in the water as if I have fallen into the pool with my parachute open.

Or, if you prefer,

it feels like a large black octopus has attached itself to my torso, that is trying to drag me down to murky depths.

My new bathing costume is supposed to be a replacement for my old one, also a modest two piece suitable for an old lady. I’ll be busy with my sewing skills as I discipline the new one to behave itself in the manner I expect.

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The peculiar British

I missed swimming yesterday because I had to do something else, but I got a place in a different group this morning.

I didn’t know anyone.

I noticed a very strange thing the British do. Continue reading

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Swimming for the privileged

Yesterday I went swimming. I go swimming every Thursday. Every Thursday I wake up with a sense of pleasure that it’s swimming day. Continue reading