An old friend and I connected on WhatsApp recently. One day, at the most inconvenient time, she videocalled me. She couldn’t hear me. That led to me ditching my phone as I realised the microphone was broken. So I transferred to another phone, an old phone, the reason for which I’d ditched in the past turned out to be that the microphone was broken. I bought a new phone. I promised to video call her, something I’d never done.
Yesterday we talked. I sent her a message first that I was going to call, in case she was in the bath. But within seconds she videocalled me. But I was prepared. I know from making hundreds of videos for YouTube, you mustn’t talk to the screen with your knickers on a washline behind you, nor should you wildly adjust the screen so that the viewer gets vertigo trying to orientate themselves whilst glimpses of the kitchen, bathroom, or spouse in his vest come into view.
I was sitting in front of my little phone, where I had arranged myself neatly. With lipstick on!
I have felt truly downcast about the indignity of getting old. And my videocall has convinced me that even in old age, you have to try to do things right.
The opening shot were two bony feet crossed wearing beach thongs. That surprised me as it was -1 deg here yesterday, but hey, maybe she has underfloor heating. Then an unmadeup eyeball came into view. Then two. They rolled upwards to a phone carried over the head. There was a sound delay so we talked over each other until one of us shut up. When I talked, the eyeball lids sqeezed together as I have seen many a deaf person doing when I was teaching old people, and the phone swung down to an earhole passing a large old age blemish on a wrinkled cheek.
My friend’s hair, once thick and curly, was thin and lank. White.
She waved her phone all over the place in her excitement. Face, door, foot, boob, cheek, ear, window, chair, partner silhouetted in a doorway waving to me, ceiling, floor, right eyeball, left earhole. And then she took me on a tour of her house. Ceiling, dishwasher, sink, skirting, outside shed door, lounge carpet, ceiling light fixture, and seasick tossing and turning.
Us oldies are loving the new technology which once we thought of as science fiction. Who would ever believe in our lifetime we could see the person on a phone – FREE!?
I have talked many times on Skype on a computer and got used to my girls preparing a meal, feeding the dog, cleaning the oven in the frame which doesn’t move, simply catching the scene; a stable screen recording somebody in action while we chat.
I have not ‘done’ a phone video call before with someone so unaware of what the viewer is seeing.
At the end, we said goodbye, but she didn’t stop the sound. I tried to end the call, but failed. I heard her say to her partner, “I must stop now, I could go on forever!” And there were sounds, thumps, scraping.
In desperation, I turned my phone off.
I need more practise. I will practise saying “I don’t do video calls, let’s just talk on the phone”
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