Slough of despair

(UPDATE BELOW)

After my oesophogealitis episode, my innards are not right. I changed doctors practices because of the lack of care.

No one listens to my story, my theory that since such violence in my vomiting, I have displaced summat to the left of my sternum. But before I saw the new doctor, I wrote an email to him which was delivered to him by the receptionist. He read it through whilst we were there, and ordered an ultrasound and local pain clinic visit at the town’s hospital. That’s an improvement because the last doctor made it clear I’d be referred for that to some hell and gone place in the Midlands, miles away.

I am now able to see my patient notes on “Patient Access”. Let me assure you, they are pauce, badly written, and lacking in any useful detail.

I have fallen into a slough of despair about doctors.

They can’t write.

They can’t summarise.

They never commit themselves.

They actually know nothing about you.

The date for my ultrasound is set. So at least someone is going to look!

In the meantime, Bass, our dog, is behaving very strangely. He’s not eating, lying in dark places/funny places, simply lying about. The vet says there’s nothing wrong with him. That cost £75.

Mr Furlong says “It’s almost like he’s mourning.”

That’s put a cat amongst my pigeons!

I hope Bass is not mourning for ME….

UPDATE. Mr Furlong has had to rush Bass, the dog, to the vet. The dog is ILL, not mourning. Awaiting results.

Narcissism

Some years ago, on a different blog to this, I wrote a lot about abusive marriage. I did that because I watched someone gradually fade into psychosis from the effects of gas lighting by their partner. Unless you know that you are being manipulated, you have no chance. Knowledge is strength.

While I have been absent as a blogger, or halfhearted as one, I have been studying. Mr Furlong and I have been studying. We have been studying narcissism.

Turns out, we live in an age of narcissism.

Our culture is producing such people by the thousands!

Evidently.

We do it by teaching our children and young folk that they are special, unique, wonderful creatures who can be anything they want to be, do anything they desire.

Narcissists make very difficult relationships that abuse other people. Somewhere, in all our lives, we have been the victim of one.

10 Signs That You’re in a Relationship with a Narcissist

Be on the lookout for these, before you get manipulated.

“That’s enough of me talking about myself; let’s hear you talk about me”

― Anonymous

“It’s not easy being superior to everyone I know.”

― Anonymous

Psychologist Stephen Johnson writes that the narcissist is someone who has “buried his true self-expression in response to early injuries and replaced it with a highly developed, compensatory false self.” This alternate persona to the real self often comes across as grandiose, “above others,” self-absorbed, and highly conceited. In our highly individualistic and externally driven society, mild to severe forms of narcissism are not only pervasive but often encouraged.

Read here

And explore Sam Vaknin, a real live Narcissist, whose material is fascinating.

This Covid-19 thing

The UK here, is in the delay stage in dealing with Covid-19.

The Furlongs are in the stage of trying to get rid of colds and ? flu that keeps returning just when they are feeling better.

The Government asks people to stay at home for a week if you have such a thing. Every time we think we are better, we find we aren’t. So that’s another week of staying home.

The dog is getting fat.

Today, I’m feeling better, but that might be different tomorrow, so I’m going to try my planned Covid-19 isolation dog walk just in case we get that too.

Excercising Bass in pouring rain, hail, tree felling gales, mud, swamp, and bone chilling conditions is not easy.

I’m sick of it.

Actually, maybe that’s why I can’t get rid of my cold.

These Furlongs have lived in this area for over twenty years and never experienced such depressing, continual rain.

My planned Covid-19 isolation dog walk is circular, deserted and short. We’d have to repeat it four times to make a mile.

That ought to do in an emergency, if all old people were confined to their homes.

That’s probably coming. Our supermarket delivers, but Mr Furlong and the dog are going to feel mighty bored.

Covid-19 has come to our town. How annoying!

Going backwards…(dog)

I’m so dog depressed!

We don’t leave Bass-the-reasonably-new-dog at home often.

I have recorded every time we have, right from the beginning. At first we left him at home simply loose in the house and he barked. So someone told me they simply said “Goodnight” to their dogs and closed them up in a darkened room. So, we tried that with Bass. We added anti anxiety music and a kong with peanut butter smeared on it. And a not-so-dark room.

We have had very successful times where my recordings show a quiet dog doing something or other – perhaps sleeping….

But we went to a barbecue yesterday to a cat owned house. we couldn’t arrive with a dog. I settled Bass down as usual in my room with anti anxiety music in the background, and the kong – and this was the result….

What an absolute pest! This is a recording of an unhappy dog, barking, whining, howling and scrabbling at the door. We’ve gone backwards!

All suggestions are welcome…bring them on people…..