There are some things I am not enjoying.
I thought I’d make a list.
These are the things you can do which are sure to ruin your holiday.
- Take a computer you don’t know – like your husband’s.
- Make sure that the mouse your husband uses on his computer is HUGE and that it is erratic in the extreme.
- Make sure the keys on the keyboard stick.
- Don’t organise your private wifi – rely on free wifi.
- Make sure your mobile phones are not freed for roaming. Just assume your provider will actually free them and that you needn’t worry to REMIND them. Don’t buy a data card – just rely on free wifi, which is available everywhere after all.
- It is important that your free wifi is not close to where you are staying. That way you can make sure to use the most petrol in your hired car.
- Make sure you choose your free wifi where you have to buy coffee, or meals to use it. That way, you can ensure you spend as much on food as you would do to set up your OWN wifi company.
- Make sure your free wifi spots are in the blistering sun, so you see shit on your screen. But at least you can drink your coffee and eat your doughnut while tanning.
- Be certain to be in a huge rush at your free wifi access point, so that you cannot think what you are doing, on a screen you can’t see, in a place you don’t know, on phones that don’t work, on a computer that drives you nuts, so that your mind is completely focussed on your problems, and not the wonderful places you came to see.
- Oh, the last thing! Make sure you are the one that always takes the photographs too – just to frustrate and distract you some more!