Why do the Young Offenders people send out Young Offenders to scare people in their homes? We are pretty sick of them coming to OUR door.
Yesterday, we were just leaving to go up to the village – oops – sorry, Market Town, and there he was, standing at the door with a rucksack of goodies to sell us. And the big speel to go with it.
He wanted to make his granddad and grandma proud because he was going to go straight. He’d just been released from Young Offenders Prison, and this was his effort to change his life. Would I like to buy from him?
He flapped a scrappy paper under my nose that could have been from anyone’s printer.
He would not go away.
I was polite, but firm. I did not want tea towels, cat hair remover, or any of his wares and we were just on our way out and he was making us late. I was already dressed in my coat and hat of course, standing alone at the door. It was teeming with rain. The poor lad was dripping down his hair and face and would NOT take no for an answer.
I was becoming more jumpy and the stand-off at our door. I began to feel annoyed at whomever it is that sends these unknowns round to prey on us unsuspecting oldies. What would happen if this chap thought I was alone? Could he get violent and mug me? Did he have a weapon in his rucksack?
At that point, there was a roar from the kitchen where Mr Furlong was collecting the car keys. Mr Furlong has a huge voice. In Africa they called him “Scoop-sa-baloos” which means “big bass drum”.
The Big Base Drum yelled “Bugger off – NOW!”
The Young Offender looked very surprised and – buggered off.
And Mr Furlong got a flea-in-the ear from me for not encouraging harmonious community spirit, and putting me in danger of REALLY getting mugged by an angry Young Offender taking vengeance some other time!